A Stream-of-Consciousness

The idea is to write for 20 minutes straight.

The song I’m listening to is kind of cool but it’s also really energetic and it’s kind of driving me nuts.

I think it’s almost done, so I don’t want to stop it.

All I know is that it was Bach, and there was a lot of crazy violin riffs.

I’m sitting at a coffee shop. The same one I go to biweekly.

Today I’ve had a pumpkin flat white and the Blend 333 tea they offer.


Binural focus it is


I actually didn’t write much in that minute. I was changing the music.

What am I doing?

Why am I here?

Is it a habit? Is it comfortable?

Do I feel like I’m REALLY getting something done?

I have had a lot of experiences here.

I’ve been coming here for about a year.. maybe more?

If it takes me 15 minutes to write this does that mean it takes fifteen minutes to read it?


I didn’t actually think that was funny … or did I?

*sips tea*

What I really want to do is travel.

What I’m really afraid of is how.

What I shouldn’t worry about is how.

What I really want to do is drop off.

Drop off from work, home, friends and family.

I just want to sit with myself.

I would say that I want the world to pause while I figure things out but that’s not how I really feel.

I want my relationships to pause while I figure things out.

I’d like to drop off and pick back up where I left off with no problem.

With who?

There’s no one in particular in mind.

Why can’t I just go off by myself and do things?

What are my obligations?

I think I’ve just made them up.

I’ve let others make them up for me.

The only thing I want to be committed to is myself. And some days I have a hard time feeling that way.


If I had my way today…

I’d have a van, and a plan.

What’s my plan?

I want to be on the road.

When I say travel, I mean drive.

I want to have the time by myself, on road trips.

Just me and the road.

My playlists.

My podcasts.

My books.

My thoughts.


I’m not looking so much at the time because it’s dragging. More like looking at the time because I want more than 20 minutes to write.

I’m on to something.


When I first decided to move to St. Louis, I’m not even sure I meant it.

I didn’t fully pack my things until the morning I left.

I remember my mom didn’t even seem like she cared to spend time with me.

I left on a Sunday. That morning she left to her clinical without even saying goodbye.

I tried to tell her I was leaving. She didn’t believe me.

When I left that morning, I felt like I was accomplishing something.

I remember listening to Sirius radio in my car.

I discovered Sirius radio when I was test driving my car.

I was listening to faction radio.. maybe I was just scanning the stations.

I stopped when I heard this voice.. It was the voice of a literal pornstar.

The show was called The Jason Ellis show. That show changed my life.

I think that show is the reason I bought the car I did.

I listened to the hip-hop stations, the morning talk shows, all the way until the daytime playlists started.

Then I listened to a playlist my best friend put together for me.

I stopped maybe 4 times on the way to St. Louis.

Once at a rest stop. Then a food and fuel stop. Another rest stop. One more gas station… and home.

I listened to The Chronicles of Narnia.. all the books on CD

It took me a few weeks into living in St. Louis before I finished them.

I still have them, and I could listen to them over and over again.

Maybe I should. On my trip around the country.

What will I bring with me?

I think I should trade my computer for a laptop. A MAC maybe?

53 seconds

A journal. My bullet journal.

A camera, and video recorder…

My phone.

A sense of adventure

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